For better or worse sometimes, no man (or woman) is an island. Today, I'd like to give thanks to the multitude of souls who have touched my life and inspired me to get myself out of the quicksand that was once my life.

First, I'd like to thank God, my Son, my Mom ... Yeah, yeah. I know I'm not some celebrity receiving a superficial award for flashing, um, appearing in a nude scene or setting box office records for the amount of folks that came to see my naughty bits.

For a gal who has gone through heck and back though, you guys are my V.I.P.'s, my support team, my friends. You've stuck by me through all the moves, the drama, the redemption (yep, that's what I'm calling this phase of my life now LOL).

My Facebook profile says, "Offline, online, new or old. All of my friends are special to me and I learn from each of you every day. Thank you for being you. You are appreciated." I mean that. Sincerely.

Some of you know me from back in the day. When I wore huge glasses and we sported that rooster bang thing. (For the pervs out there, I'm talking about 80's/90's hair!) Don't even get me started on the "cool" clothes we wore! LOL

Some of you have never met me in person but provide me with so much guidance just by being who you are. You may not ever have realized it but there are some of you I totally look up to and - admittedly - stalk via social media. I'm looking at pretty much all my #agchat Tweeple here and a whole bunch others. If I had to name every one of you, this post would be a heck of a lot longer!

Now comes the guilty confession.

The lens I look at the world through has shifting. It's taken me 32 years to get to this point but I finally had an "aha moment" with regard to my hometown area.

One of my Mom's best friends has a son who has impressed me with his intelligence, kindness and "let's do this" attitude. He doesn't know I'm talking about him so I'm going to withhold his name in order to protect his privacy. He should recognize himself if he ever reads this though.

Before anyone teases me, no, I'm not kissing up or trying to get into his pants or anything. Not that there's anything wrong with him. I'm sure he's got a fan club. I just honestly respect the guy. A guy. From my hometown area no less. This is big for me.

Anyway, this guy has totally surprised me and turned everything I thought about this area on it's head. I'm sure he's literally seen the surprise on my face when he says something - I can't help it, my face is like an open book! How do I explain my perpetual weirdness without saying something that sounds ... wrong? LOL

The lens I look through was cloudy. Marred by my past. It wasn't allowing me to see the possibilities, the goodness around me and the changes that have been/are taking place here. I was letting the way I saw the world in my past and my more recent disillusionment to taint my vision.

Truly, no one is perfect. In addition to the myriad of public faux pas we commit, we all have our guilty little secrets. Sometimes hidden in our minds, on our hard drives (computer repair is interesting work sometimes), via a secret identity online or some other format. (Which one is yours? Which one is mine? LOL) The world will, sadly, be forever filled with injustice, strife and our attempts to rectify that. To expect more than a human effort is to expect to win the lottery when you haven't even purchased a ticket.

This last week, I was wondering if it would work. If I could stay here and be okay. Then my "aha moment"-uttering dude spoke, the clouds parted and the sun shone through like my soul was a dirty window in a Windex commercial. Uh, well, maybe it wasn't quite that dramatic but hey, you get where I'm going with this, right?

Show them with your actions.

Yep. I will, my friend (if I may I call you that). Starting with gratitude to all those who've helped me. Knowingly or unknowingly. I must have done something really good in a past life to be so blessed. Or maybe God was just waiting for me to open my flipping eyes. LOL

Thank You (God) and thank you all. I'd give ya'll a hug but there's so many of you and you're all spread out so far in every direction. I'm also not used to physical affection other than the mother/son kind I have with CJ. So, instead of wrestling you to the ground and tickling you until you chortle with laughter, here's a virtual {grateful-to-know-you hug} instead. =)

Wishing you much peace, happiness and success,

Pearl "Penny" Lane, C.P.C.

Unknown

Whew. It's hot outside. Of course, mowing our huge, rural lawn after the sun came up may not have been the best idea either. I decided not to take anything for my headache and instead drink it out.

Since learning that my migraines stem from stress, dehydration and an improper diet, I've made some changes. I haven't added exercise yet though. Between the sweat and the jiggles, I'm more depressed than inspired. LOL

Ironically, I'm actually wearing an outfit I have never been able to fit in to. Brand new, sat there for over a year. Mom bought me a present a couple of sizes too small at the time. Someone pinch me!

You know I'm kidding right? About the pinching, I mean. I really am wearing this faboush outfit and I'm grateful for the confidence boost. You see, I'm pitching my story this weekend. I've got my fingers crossed and my heart full of prayer.

After all I've been through - all my son has been through too - I finally found my niche. I fought it. I didn't want to do it. I didn't feel I was good enough.

What is this niche? Ministry! While I may not be a Biblical scholar, I am a graduate and survivor of the school of hard knocks (literally).

My nickname used to be Fruitcake because of the multicolored bruises I sported and now, like many good fruitcakes gone bad, I'm crusty enough on the outside to overcome a lot of what hurt me before. I'm owning and wearing my bruises like badges and by golly, I'm determined to inspire other fruitcakes out there.

You hear that? They are waiting for me to take the stage even if they don't know it. Waiting to hear words of inspiration from someone who's been there, done that, got the ripped up t-shirt. I'm looking for speaking engagements, finishing up my book (Bless Your Family, Empower Yourself) and taking on clients.

Maybe I can't change the world but I can definitely make a difference in someone's life today.

Wishing you much peace, happiness and success,

Pearl "Penny" Lane, C.P.C.

Unknown

Whew. It's hot outside. Of course, mowing our huge, rural lawn after the sun came up may not have been the best idea either. I decided not to take anything for my headache and instead drink it out.

Since learning that my migraines stem from stress, dehydration and an improper diet, I've made some changes. I haven't added exercise yet though. Between the sweat and the jiggles, I'm more depressed than inspired. LOL

Ironically, I'm actually wearing an outfit I have never been able to fit in to. Brand new, sat there for over a year. Mom bought me a present a couple of sizes too small at the time. Someone pinch me!

You know I'm kidding right? About the pinching, I mean. I really am wearing this faboush outfit and I'm grateful for the confidence boost. You see, I'm pitching my story this weekend. I've got my fingers crossed and my heart full of prayer.

After all I've been through - all my son has been through too - I finally found my niche. I fought it. I didn't want to do it. I didn't feel I was good enough.

What is this niche? Ministry! While I may not be a Biblical scholar, I am a graduate and survivor of the school of hard knocks (literally).

My nickname used to be Fruitcake because of the multicolored bruises I sported and now, like many good fruitcakes gone bad, I'm crusty enough on the outside to overcome a lot of what hurt me before. I'm owning and wearing my bruises like badges and by golly, I'm determined to inspire other fruitcakes out there.

You hear that? They are waiting for me to take the stage even if they don't know it. Waiting to hear words of inspiration from someone who's been there, done that, got the ripped up t-shirt. I'm looking for speaking engagements, finishing up my book (Bless Your Family, Empower Yourself) and taking on clients.

Maybe I can't change the world but I can definitely make a difference in someone's life today.

Wishing you much peace, happiness and success,

Pearl "Penny" Lane, C.P.C.

Unknown

This week's Pay It Forward Fridays challenge is to pay someone a visit.

Sadly, I won't be able to participate this week but I loved the idea so much that I decided to share it with all of my fabulous Tweeple.

If you can, have or are willing, please contribute to the conversation. =)

This Friday I would like you to think of Paying it Forward to somebody who has limited exposure to this world. Someone(s) who perhaps is institutionalized or doesn't get many visitors in life. We all like human contact, even if its brief. And we all like visitors, especially when we are lonely. Nothing like a visit from a good friend or a genuine smile to brighten up your day... ~ Kelly at Blue Frogs Legs

Wishing you much peace, happiness and success,

Pearl "Penny" Lane, C.P.C.

Unknown

This week's Pay It Forward Fridays challenge is to pay someone a visit.

Sadly, I won't be able to participate this week but I loved the idea so much that I decided to share it with all of my fabulous Tweeple.

If you can, have or are willing, please contribute to the conversation. =)

This Friday I would like you to think of Paying it Forward to somebody who has limited exposure to this world. Someone(s) who perhaps is institutionalized or doesn't get many visitors in life. We all like human contact, even if its brief. And we all like visitors, especially when we are lonely. Nothing like a visit from a good friend or a genuine smile to brighten up your day... ~ Kelly at Blue Frogs Legs

Wishing you much peace, happiness and success,

Pearl "Penny" Lane, C.P.C.

Penny (CJsMonnie)

This week's Pay It Forward Fridays challenge is to pay someone a visit.

Sadly, I won't be able to participate this week but I loved the idea so much that I decided to share it with all of my fabulous Tweeple.

If you can, have or are willing, please contribute to the conversation. =)

This Friday I would like you to think of Paying it Forward to somebody who has limited exposure to this world. Someone(s) who perhaps is institutionalized or doesn't get many visitors in life. We all like human contact, even if its brief. And we all like visitors, especially when we are lonely. Nothing like a visit from a good friend or a genuine smile to brighten up your day... ~ Kelly at Blue Frogs Legs

Wishing you much peace, happiness and success,

Pearl "Penny" Lane, C.P.C.

Unknown

My interaction with my Mother this morning was bittersweet. On the one hand, we made definite progress toward healing our relationship and ensuring that she continues to spend time with her grandson. On the other, I found out she's broken.

Lost somewhere between wanting to be a good, subservient woman and wanting to live a blissful life in passivity, she claims that she truly has no concept of her own self-worth or the power she exerts over me and my son.

This woman has consistently laid her life down in the mud so that others can trample over her, disrespect her and take advantage of her. Because her uncles and brothers were often drunk, violent and verbally cruel. Because those same "men" treated her mother the same way. Because it's just always been this way.

Although we do not live with my Uncles or see them often, my son is learning to be just like them. He's learning that her word - or mine, as she often objects to my rules and discipline - aren't worth anything. I'm sorry but no matter how wonderful I think my son is, an 8 year old does not have the capacity or the right to run a household!

There is much more to this story than I'm telling here but I know there are many, many broken women (and men) out there who need to understand something.

If even the lowest beggar, with tattered clothing and a stench that would knock down a buffalo deserves our respect simply because he or she was created by our own Creator, why aren't YOU worthy of that same respect?

If you would go out of your way to help someone in need, why won't you help yourself?

Because you don't deserve it? Well honestly, who does?! Who on the Lord's Green Earth is perfect enough to "deserve" help? Do they have to have kids, not enough income, a broken arm, a run down house?

Your body is your spirit's house and your spirit is broken! How's your body? Is it run down or damaged? I'd say you qualify for help.

We are all sinners. We all mess up in spite of trying so hard to be perfect. We all wish we were better people.

The next time you decide - yes, I said decide - to bend over and let someone walk all over you, think about that beggar. Most of us would rush up to help or somehow defend a beggar who was being beaten. Why should we allow ourselves to be treated that way?

DISCLAIMER: I publicly acknowledge that I'm guilty of this too. I know just how hard it is to overcome the abuse mentality, to break away from all of the habits and traits we've learned and come to accept as normal when things are anything but.

Bless your family by empowering yourself!

Wishing you much peace, happiness and success,

Pearl "Penny" Lane, C.P.C.

Unknown

My interaction with my Mother this morning was bittersweet. On the one hand, we made definite progress toward healing our relationship and ensuring that she continues to spend time with her grandson. On the other, I found out she's broken.

Lost somewhere between wanting to be a good, subservient woman and wanting to live a blissful life in passivity, she claims that she truly has no concept of her own self-worth or the power she exerts over me and my son.

This woman has consistently laid her life down in the mud so that others can trample over her, disrespect her and take advantage of her. Because her uncles and brothers were often drunk, violent and verbally cruel. Because those same "men" treated her mother the same way. Because it's just always been this way.

Although we do not live with my Uncles or see them often, my son is learning to be just like them. He's learning that her word - or mine, as she often objects to my rules and discipline - aren't worth anything. I'm sorry but no matter how wonderful I think my son is, an 8 year old does not have the capacity or the right to run a household!

There is much more to this story than I'm telling here but I know there are many, many broken women (and men) out there who need to understand something.

If even the lowest beggar, with tattered clothing and a stench that would knock down a buffalo deserves our respect simply because he or she was created by our own Creator, why aren't YOU worthy of that same respect?

If you would go out of your way to help someone in need, why won't you help yourself?

Because you don't deserve it? Well honestly, who does?! Who on the Lord's Green Earth is perfect enough to "deserve" help? Do they have to have kids, not enough income, a broken arm, a run down house?

Your body is your spirit's house and your spirit is broken! How's your body? Is it run down or damaged? I'd say you qualify for help.

We are all sinners. We all mess up in spite of trying so hard to be perfect. We all wish we were better people.

The next time you decide - yes, I said decide - to bend over and let someone walk all over you, think about that beggar. Most of us would rush up to help or somehow defend a beggar who was being beaten. Why should we allow ourselves to be treated that way?

DISCLAIMER: I publicly acknowledge that I'm guilty of this too. I know just how hard it is to overcome the abuse mentality, to break away from all of the habits and traits we've learned and come to accept as normal when things are anything but.

Bless your family by empowering yourself!

Wishing you much peace, happiness and success,

Pearl "Penny" Lane, C.P.C.

Unknown

Cakes, cupcakes, cookies and chocolate have always helped me cope with the stress and myriad of events going on in my life. Not so much eating them - although I won't turn one down if offered LOL - but creating custom visions to match someone's personality and tastes.

It's ironic but somehow fitting. I've realized that, although I've worked in almost every other industry, I find solace and relief in creating edible works of art. =)

Everyone needs an outlet. While you could turn to alcohol, drugs or other negative coping methods, finding something you love and can lose yourself in for a half hour (or more) while you regroup is extremely healing.

What do you enjoy? Reading, writing, knitting, crafting, woodworking, customizing vehicles ... The possibilities are endless!

It doesn't have to be perfect. You don't have to turn it into a job. Please do not worry about creating a surplus of product either. You can always bring happiness to others by donating your work to your favorite charity or giving your fabulousness as a gift.

Find your bliss and bless the world with what's in your heart.

Wishing you much peace, happiness and success,

Pearl "Penny" Lane, C.P.C.

Unknown

Like many out there, I am a product of a destructive environment. I got to witness drunken, inter-family murder attempts and have had to call law enforcement out a couple of times. Not fun.

It's taken me many, many years to come to a point where I am ready to let go. Forgiving is the hardest thing to do when you don't understand why such horrible things happened and why they were allowed to continue even when you begged surrounding adults (family, school) for help. Heck, I begged to be removed by CPS and was told I had to show up with bruising in order to be taken seriously.

Um, right. I - an elementary school kid - am supposed to stay still and let my ax throwing, shotgun-shooting-at-Grandma, table flipping, lit-votive-to-the-head smashing family hit me?! [Yes, I did see these things first hand!]

Moving forward a few years into the junior high/high school transition period, several major things happen. The death of my primary care giver (Grandma), some nasty stuff at school, corrupt school officials, the loss of our home (owned by Gran), and a few other things. I was diagnosed as depressed and anxious following an attempted overdose and placed on an anti-depressant and an anxiety med.

At that time, depression was something unpopular. Any kind of mental illness and they wanted to ship you from your home in the Valley to San Antonio for specialist treatment. My diagnosing person kept asking if I heard voices, etc. No. But do you hear voices in your head telling you to do something? No. Okay, but do you ever get the urge to do something, like someone is telling you to do it? I think he saw The Exorcist or something too many times but at any rate, Catholics don't go crazy and don't need mental treatment. You just have to get right with the Lord because obviously, you are evil if you don't keep pretending to be perfect.

Flash forward a decade plus a few years and I'm now called bipolar/depressive and still have an anxiety issue. Interestingly, ALL of the 3 priests, 3 rabbis and multitude of counselors I've sought assistance from during my lifetime have flat out told me that they don't know where to even begin to help/counsel me. Of course, everyone has a drug or five to suggest.

Seriously. I was on five medications at one point. One for depression, one for the sleepiness it caused, one for the high the anti-sleepy one caused, one for the low that I'd plunge to and one to sleep. So not going to cut it when you are also now a single mom.

This is NOT something I'd recommend to others but I tossed my medication. All of it. I did start praying more and researching alternative treatments. I was doing really well on the natural supplements I transitioned myself to until a couple of weeks ago.

My anxiety and low self-esteem were negatively impacting all my attempts at self employment. I was feeling overwhelmed by pressure to produce a ridiculous amount of income in a short time (family isn't self-employment friendly), homeschooling, single-parenting, legal battles with the aforementioned family members, etc. etc.

In an attempt to reclaim my life after losing my job to the economy and get my family off my back, I got another job. Entry level management, training duties, etc. Two weeks later, I was crying in an unknown doctor's office and being asked if my job was worth it.

Apparently, I was fine until I had to start leaving my son with my alcoholic family so I could work. Within 5 minutes of meeting me, this new doctor was accurately pinpointing things and asking questions that hit straight to the heart of the matter. She points things out I hadn't realized (or maybe didn't want to acknowledge).

The next couple of weeks are going to be crucial to me and my son. Although I know I'm going to lose my vehicle without that steady paycheck and that my "family" will continue to laugh at and belittle me, I drew a line in the sand.

It's taken me all 32 years to learn and accept that I will never be able to change anyone but myself. I think about my son, being the age I was when all those things first started to penetrate my thought processes. I thought, never him. Yet, it is happening. Definitely not as intense as my childhood experiences but still.

Sadly, my Mom is still arguing that they are good people inside and if you just keep turning the other cheek, they will eventually be the peaceful, happy and loving family you want them to be.

Alcoholism, verbal abuse and threats of violence are NOT normal. No matter how much it happens around you. Seek assistance from supportive individuals (friends/family) and professionals. If you can't stop the cycle because others won't stop, then get out of that environment.

It's what I'm doing, what I'm working on. You can't save the world if you don't save yourself first. You can't save your child if you don't get them out of the cycle of abuse you grew up with.

It isn't just men who sometimes have to "grow some". Women do too and it's so much harder when you know you're just a shell of the person you once were.

To be continued ...

Pearl "Penny" Lane, C.P.C.

Unknown

Cakes, cupcakes, cookies and chocolate have always helped me cope with the stress and myriad of events going on in my life. Not so much eating them - although I won't turn one down if offered LOL - but creating custom visions to match someone's personality and tastes.

It's ironic but somehow fitting. I've realized that, although I've worked in almost every other industry, I find solace and relief in creating edible works of art. =)

Everyone needs an outlet. While you could turn to alcohol, drugs or other negative coping methods, finding something you love and can lose yourself in for a half hour (or more) while you regroup is extremely healing.

What do you enjoy? Reading, writing, knitting, crafting, woodworking, customizing vehicles ... The possibilities are endless!

It doesn't have to be perfect. You don't have to turn it into a job. Please do not worry about creating a surplus of product either. You can always bring happiness to others by donating your work to your favorite charity or giving your fabulousness as a gift.

Find your bliss and bless the world with what's in your heart.

Wishing you much peace, happiness and success,

Pearl "Penny" Lane, C.P.C.

Unknown

Like many out there, I am a product of a destructive environment. I got to witness drunken, inter-family murder attempts and have had to call law enforcement out a couple of times. Not fun.

It's taken me many, many years to come to a point where I am ready to let go. Forgiving is the hardest thing to do when you don't understand why such horrible things happened and why they were allowed to continue even when you begged surrounding adults (family, school) for help. Heck, I begged to be removed by CPS and was told I had to show up with bruising in order to be taken seriously.

Um, right. I - an elementary school kid - am supposed to stay still and let my ax throwing, shotgun-shooting-at-Grandma, table flipping, lit-votive-to-the-head smashing family hit me?! [Yes, I did see these things first hand!]

Moving forward a few years into the junior high/high school transition period, several major things happen. The death of my primary care giver (Grandma), some nasty stuff at school, corrupt school officials, the loss of our home (owned by Gran), and a few other things. I was diagnosed as depressed and anxious following an attempted overdose and placed on an anti-depressant and an anxiety med.

At that time, depression was something unpopular. Any kind of mental illness and they wanted to ship you from your home in the Valley to San Antonio for specialist treatment. My diagnosing person kept asking if I heard voices, etc. No. But do you hear voices in your head telling you to do something? No. Okay, but do you ever get the urge to do something, like someone is telling you to do it? I think he saw The Exorcist or something too many times but at any rate, Catholics don't go crazy and don't need mental treatment. You just have to get right with the Lord because obviously, you are evil if you don't keep pretending to be perfect.

Flash forward a decade plus a few years and I'm now called bipolar/depressive and still have an anxiety issue. Interestingly, ALL of the 3 priests, 3 rabbis and multitude of counselors I've sought assistance from during my lifetime have flat out told me that they don't know where to even begin to help/counsel me. Of course, everyone has a drug or five to suggest.

Seriously. I was on five medications at one point. One for depression, one for the sleepiness it caused, one for the high the anti-sleepy one caused, one for the low that I'd plunge to and one to sleep. So not going to cut it when you are also now a single mom.

This is NOT something I'd recommend to others but I tossed my medication. All of it. I did start praying more and researching alternative treatments. I was doing really well on the natural supplements I transitioned myself to until a couple of weeks ago.

My anxiety and low self-esteem were negatively impacting all my attempts at self employment. I was feeling overwhelmed by pressure to produce a ridiculous amount of income in a short time (family isn't self-employment friendly), homeschooling, single-parenting, legal battles with the aforementioned family members, etc. etc.

In an attempt to reclaim my life after losing my job to the economy and get my family off my back, I got another job. Entry level management, training duties, etc. Two weeks later, I was crying in an unknown doctor's office and being asked if my job was worth it.

Apparently, I was fine until I had to start leaving my son with my alcoholic family so I could work. Within 5 minutes of meeting me, this new doctor was accurately pinpointing things and asking questions that hit straight to the heart of the matter. She points things out I hadn't realized (or maybe didn't want to acknowledge).

The next couple of weeks are going to be crucial to me and my son. Although I know I'm going to lose my vehicle without that steady paycheck and that my "family" will continue to laugh at and belittle me, I drew a line in the sand.

It's taken me all 32 years to learn and accept that I will never be able to change anyone but myself. I think about my son, being the age I was when all those things first started to penetrate my thought processes. I thought, never him. Yet, it is happening. Definitely not as intense as my childhood experiences but still.

Sadly, my Mom is still arguing that they are good people inside and if you just keep turning the other cheek, they will eventually be the peaceful, happy and loving family you want them to be.

Alcoholism, verbal abuse and threats of violence are NOT normal. No matter how much it happens around you. Seek assistance from supportive individuals (friends/family) and professionals. If you can't stop the cycle because others won't stop, then get out of that environment.

It's what I'm doing, what I'm working on. You can't save the world if you don't save yourself first. You can't save your child if you don't get them out of the cycle of abuse you grew up with.

It isn't just men who sometimes have to "grow some". Women do too and it's so much harder when you know you're just a shell of the person you once were.

To be continued ...

Pearl "Penny" Lane, C.P.C.

Unknown